T O N Y T O S T
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from REMOTE TUX
[ page 1 of 3 ]A murmur in the harsh remote. It was on the 15th of September that her spirit departed, to become an inhabitant of those regions ignored, and among us for gold and precious stones, spear points of identity, and now we will build a long road on which the fire-horses can run. And it might have been a better idea to make her the love interest rather than the sidekick, I remember it being August for a very long time. We were in the middle of the growing season and the flowers were not believable, the windows framing the corner waterfall. It was midday and I was going upstairs to get something for my system, the old traditional taxi everyone would prefer calling, though by then the young monks who had volunteered to do so had no intention of setting fire to themselves, of dining halfway between eating out and cooking at home. A breeze was softly rocking the golden ears back and forth, I remember the last time you touched me, rustling the surface of the water, so that no loon can be heard or seen. You said, “I told you that you had to be careful with wishes, and I don't want to be distracted by all these twentieth-century things.” And pushed away by sunlight to form a long tail, never had we seen so many fireflies congregated on one spot.
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At the head of the freshwater meadow are two public ocean beaches, our father's footsteps, wearing a long, flowing robe, quite plain except for some sleeve ornamentation. Should language here be an approach to discussion or observance, the family in the modern world. We were facing a very angry shaman and we did not know why, it wasn't as loud as the movie we saw, a notoriously difficult shaman nicknamed "The School of Night," and our sister organizations in the urban areas a kind of whirlwind tour of the eccentric landscape when we learned we may have to let the snakes live inside our bodies. At the other end of this footpath is a large pool or ford, opposite our camp by a covering of ice, stripping, dressed in traditional business attire, deep spiritual qualities, and our natural resources are all important, being the implied other.
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A few months back accidents occurred caused by participants having reached the sophisticated stage, of rejecting what is so plainly taught. I had benefited from the process of going back to the texts so that I should not be dependent on the help of anyone else; a bridge for those who see only rivers. Benefited are the residents of the County of Los Angeles, for really it would be almost impossible to make a case against the real murderer, yours and mine, and we were actually looking forward to taking our bodies home, alone with the drunkards beating their wings against the walls. Some would say tolerance for the world. Each new one smaller than the previous one, wrinkled old commercialism, twisted into a scowl. A reputation for being something of an extremist, and who had in fact recently ice climbed some of the landscape amidst my photos, to avoid trial contamination? At first attempted, this with gestures. But the rigor of the thought behind the treatment of a subject, the severe mental illness arena, was apt to convey it from the sick to the whole, just as fire devours, as if a long career makes one's critics illegitimate, and in every field there are probably code words few dare utter. Our meals in the dining hall just weren't enough to satisfy our big appetites after many a scene of contention between mother and daughter, with ordered vacancies, silent movements of the stars in their homes, and woe to those who stretch their hand to destroy what is being constructed, as it is, only further bad news could serve as catharsis; we slept happily by the main branch of the Chicago River, and by the more thorough exploitation of the old fires, while the walls of veins grew thin.
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Now at table's edge, up surged the psyche. Having our father walk into that orphanage and stand there looking over that sea of children, using knives and fists to bully others, keeping our backs nice and warm—what a strain the job was on him—not to mention that I'm tracking these people too. So began a new season of witnesses, all seeing all until the day our testimony is created.
These accumulating figures observed throughout the proceedings finally convinced me; tropical slumming, everything seemed a little too orange, just like '70s film stock, the battle between good and evil being the battle between God and I, and no one was watching.
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It's never too late to call, though that is not a philosophy the world turns to for light: a bore because he is interested in everything he sees, as well as the sources. Psychological realism, backwards rather than being properly tucked underneath and within the monologue; so, our fathers had brought flowers and large pizzas, and our books invented many philosophers, from Aquinas to Wittgenstein, the branching of rivers.
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Life at our installations changed when the troops were deployed; either the soul survives death or it does not, or it changes the names of the actors. When, for instance, journalists came banging on my front door, especially when I was cooking, a turkey was seen eating most of the evidence: our father would come to count until the fruit was mature and picked to see if we could settle these things by surveying public opinions, and the journalists clearly appreciated the individualized attention they received for poor father can no longer speak, he had to depend for his food entirely on what the turkey did not eat. And we saw cheese soups being made on the street; he would smuggle into his laboratory whatever ancient manuscripts he could get hold of, to munch them while still keeping watch on the waters, at his ease on a couch rather than a throne, hidden in the same page as the puzzles; and we could have a drink or dinner or whatever afterwards and socialize (although we never witness our parents' first kiss—their movements were usually wide, almost exaggerated in shape and volume) and he came to realize just how busy he had become, to be left on at night. Our mother was the fury and weakness as well as the strength, as even when she is open there is very little on the shelves, material mysteries, and no one found any thing to ridicule in their love: she held us tightly, she spoke her secrets as we were to discipline ourselves, not to gain a reputation for ourselves but to express our humility, to support the scheme.